Tuesday, July 26, 2011

take me back

I spent about 10 minutes laying on my left side, with my arm under my head, and my legs curled up.  My left hip is on fire and my shoulder is so weak and stiff that I can hardly stand to bring my arm up from my side.  It is starting to radiate pain down my arm through to my elbow, and spread across the left side of my upper back.

I tried to grab the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom, and it was too hard to use my left arm, so I had to keep it lamely at my side while I reached with my right arm.  I came back to the living room and told J.W. what had happened.

After that, I cried.  Just for a minute.  Quietly, so he didn't hear, even though he was sitting right next to me.  I think if I tried to talk about it to him I wouldn't have been able to stop.

I don't remember what it's like to be able to just get up and move around without stiffness.  To bend down and pick up something off the floor without having to grab something for support on the way back up.  To lay down on the couch any which way I want without having to think it through beforehand.

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